I stayed home from work today. I was in terrible pain last night. Even though I took a muscle relaxat and a vicodin at 10 pm I was still awake at 4 am. I took a shower at 3:30 am and hoped that it would relax my muscles enough so that I could get some sleep.

I go to the nuerosurgeon tomorrow. I am getting scared now. Part of me is afraid that he will think I am a whiner and won't do anything for me, I am worried that he will tell me to lose so weight and everything will be fine. I am also scared that I will be told I'll need surgery.

I have only had one surgery in my life. I had one ovary and filopian tube removed because it had ruptured. If you are going to have surgery I would suggest this method. I didn't feel good, I went to the hospital, they fed me massive amounts of drugs and then told me I'll be having surgery in an hour or so.

That is most definately the way to do it. I didn't have time to worry about the procedure, about the pain, the time off work and the financial aspects of that. I didn't worry about a thing.

As most of you can see, I have (since I got the diagnosis) found just about everthing I possibly could worry about and more. I am trying to be brave but I am scared.

I don't know who this man is I have been sleeping with lately. Usually I have to beg/plead/whine to get him to start doing the low carb diet with me, well as of yesterday, he has started back up. What's up with that? I know we both have gained a little weight, I have not found that motivation as of yet. I keep thinking about that box of 94% fat free popcorn, my brand new box of Crackln Oat Bran, how much I have been loving having a sandwich for lunch everyday. I guess I am gonna have to suck it up and start doing the low carb thing again.

On a side note, I have just discovered the show "24". I know, I am several years behind. We got season one last week and I am so addicted!! Love it!!

I'll write tomorrow and let you know what the doctor says.