I've put off a real entry for so long that now it is too big. I've got too much going on in my head to get out. Make sense?

I recently passed the one year mark since my back surgery. I took the day to reflect on how I felt, to realize my progress and such. I think today I am about 80-85% better than before surgery. I still have issues with my left foot, I am still on the medications, but for the most part I feel better. I know I need to work on the medication thing, I have take vicodin every day for more than a year, that can't be good.

Wow, that started off really good and then turned sad. I have a gift.

Lets see, my birthday was a week ago on Monday, it was pretty unremarkable. I find it so hard to believe that I'm 35. THIRTY FUCKING FIVE. How did that happen? I don't feel any different than I did at 25. 35 used to seem so old to me. I remember my parents turning 35 and they didn't look like I do or act like I do. They were OLD. Sigh.

My husband tried to surprise me with some balloons and a cake, but unfortunately I got home before him and ruined the surprise. Things were hard for the last couple of weeks before the closing, Michael was in a spending freeze, he had to have a specific dollar amount in the bank for the mortgage company for some reason, I guess to show he could pay the closing costs if needed, but we didn't end up paying them and now we've got a nice chunk of change in the bank. So I was the person supporting us for a short period of time, I liked it, actually loved it. We keep our finances separate for the most part I guess since I make a such a small amount, I pay the Direct tv, electric bill, my car payment and insurance, most of the groceries and the phone bills. He takes care of everything else. I noticed during this time how truly uncomfortable it makes him for me to pick up a check at a restaurant or to buy him $180 worth of clothes for work. Whatever. It felt nice to feel like a bread winner.

We closed on our house on the 8th. We are homeowners!! I was so scared something would go wrong and it would be because of me. See I had changed my name with Social Security, then I tried to go to DMV to change my drivers license, you know, all in one day. No luck. The DMV needed to ses my new social card, come back in two weeks when you have it. During that two weeks we were robbed, decided to look for a house, found a house, did all that junk and here it is a month and a half later and I haven't got it, so now all the paper work is in my new name, my social is in my new name, but unfortunately my drivers license, which is needed, is in my old name. I had dreams where that alone would mess up the closing. Thank goodness it didn't. I also had to own the fact that I didn't want to pay the $10 to change my name and go back a month later and pay $10 to change the address.

We were fighting our lease and basically lost the battle. Or maybe we just gave up. We took copies of our first and last lease to a lawyer, he is a friend of Michael's dad's, he took about a week and wrote up a scathing letter which probably would of worked, depending on how much our property management wanted to fight back, regardless of the outcome, it would of been too risky for us. We weren't prepared to move out that moment and we might of been faced with that, or being locked out, or having things put on our credit and having to fight that later.

Once he finished the letter, we asked him to hold onto it and we wanted to play it by ear for a while before sending it.

We talked to our sellers, their new home wasn't ready yet, so we offered them the option of renting the house back following the closing. Their closing date is Dec 29th, so hopefully it will be ready by then, they've paid rent to us for the remainder of the year and we'll keep in touch with them to see when in Jan they'll be moving. We met them at the closing and they were so sweet! Just the nicest couple.

I'm glad that is working itself out. We will be paying rent at this place thru February anyway and the way the lease is written if we move out early, even if we pay the rent, if we don't occupy the townhouse, they can say we've voided the lease and charge us the reletting fees. Bitches.

We've had some remarkably cold weeks here. (I guess it was warm and pleasant here compared to MT, Carolyn) We had a couple overnights in the 30's and a couple daytime highs in the 40's and 50's. I loved it! I am made for cold weather. I hate the heat. I slept with the window open on the first night in the 30's! Then this week, we've been back to the 70's for the last two days, today its in the 60's but very dark and rainy. I accidentally slept until 11 because it was that dark.

I had so many things to do today. We bought Michael's mom a Spawish gift certificate for $150.00 for christmas last year. She never used it and it expires next week on the 20th. We offered it to her mother to use but she didn't want it so now I have it and only a couple days to use it. I'm really looking forward to getting a massage but these places are so swanky, someone want to come and get a massage with me? Anyone?

I have made a committment to finally beginning packing. I haven't started yet, but I have made the mental committment. We've got abunch of boxes sitting here in the livingroom. Michael has been bringing them home from work, I guess maybe I should start packing. I am going to be gentle with myself. I have this sense of dread about moving, I am afraid I will jack up my back all over again.

The storm has really gotten worse, everything has a greenish grey haze outside, I would take a photo and post it but I don't have a camera anymore. We are still working thru our insurance claim and trying to get that settled up. So much paperwork in our lives lately. Dang!

I'm gonna stop writing now. If anyone has made it all the way thru, congratulations! I won't wait so long to post.